There’s just about nothing more disappointing than a slack dishwasher. And I should know – I’ve had bad ex-boyfriends, bras that couldn’t pull their weight and almost every cat I’ve ever rescued from the street has seen fit to run away the moment it was clean, fed, vaccinated and de-sexed.

But a dishwasher that lets me down REALLY gets up my nose.

My darling husband has suggested that certain items shouldn’t go in the dishwasher. I can MAYBE see his point when he means things that are weirdly shaped to the point that they block the inner workings of the machine, but the other night he said that pots and pans shouldn’t go in there, either.

Well, that’s obviously a load of crap. I say anything that fits should go in. Seriously, I would put my children in there if I thought they wouldn’t go insane from boredom.

I’m currently putting my new dishwasher through its paces, just to see exactly where its limits lie. The machine in my last house was obviously spoiled by its previous owners – it let me know straight away that it would NOT stand for bowls or plates to be loaded too closely together and that I could expect any food that was dried onto a surface to stay right where it was.

I could almost hear it grunting from the bowels of the kitchen in a familiar Scottish accent, “Ah’m given her all Ah’ve got, Captain, but Ah’m not a miracle worker!”

(That was supposed to be Scotty from the original Star Trek series, if any of you
non-dorks missed it. Trust me – that was funny!)

I started my new dishwasher off with a simple repertoire: rewashing newly unpacked serving bowls, rinsing out the coffee cups, brushing the toast crumbs off the breakfast plates.

We quickly graduated and soon my dishwasher was in charge of cleaning all the eating and serving dishes for a meal for six, plus a couple of mostly-still-clean pots. Showing great spunk, the new dishwasher sorted out those loads with such ease I soon gave it dishes that I hadn’t even bothered to rinse and pans with gunk stuck to the sides.

In all honesty, it should do a pretty good job – it needs two hours and 20 minutes for a normal load. What can it possibly be doing in that much time? Does it wash each item individually, lovingly and by hand? Does it take a moment to explain to each dish what it’s done wrong and why it should straighten up in future?

I don’t know, but I’m about to find out just how worthy my stalwart machine actually is. Last night, after a meal of butter chicken, I loaded up the un-rinsed dishes and left them to stew. It’s been nearly 24 hours and I still haven’t started the new load – it should be full after dinner tonight. I’m absolutely on pins and needles to see if the dishwasher is up to task.

Anyone else think I should REALLY get out more? Yeah….

7 thoughts on “Loaded

  1. I’m from the, “at least rinse them off before you load” school. If your new dishwasher doesn’t demand you follow that philosophy, then more power to you! Scotty was also known to say, “Ah cahn’t change the lawrs of physics, Captain!”

  2. Yes, you should go OUT to eat…let them worry about the dishes. 🙂

  3. Yay! A fellow dork! I hope you’re life is full enough that you couldn’t possibly care, but my dishwasher rose to the challenge!!! I was so proud I gave it a gold star!

  4. I’m always amazed at how you can take the mundane and make it so humorous!! Luv ya.

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