1. Of the 3712 comments I’ve received to date, 3105 of them have been spam which means all kinds of people are somehow turning a profit (or trying to) by visiting and commenting on (but not reading) my blog posts. A huge THANK YOU to those of you who read my work or left legitimate comments – every single one made me smile. Nothing, in fact, makes me happier than the image of someone, somewhere laughing because of something I wrote.
2. When I signed up for my domain name last year, I gave myself a one-year deadline to earn back the $70 I spent on starting the blog. In that time, I have made exactly nothing from this blog, which leaves me owing rather than earning. Where are all the advertisers I was sure would come courting me??? I’ll tell you where – courting other bloggers who are (probably) better than I.
3. As I suspected a year ago, unless you’re getting some kind of revenue, “blogging” is just another word for “working for free”. I used to get paid to write, which means that somewhere – lurking – is a viable skill. If I’m going to volunteer my talents, I’d rather put them towards something actually useful instead of stories about widowed Barbie dolls and roller skating.
4, As I suspected a year ago, unless you’re contributing something useful to your readers (like my cousin-in-law does with her uplifting and insightful website), “blogging” is also just another word for “giving your ego a big squeeze”. My children, however, already think I’m brootiful and smart and funny so to ask all of you to boost my self-esteem by reading my blather and engaging in witty e-banter is just a little self-indulgent, don’t you think?
5. Every moment of my life I spend writing blog posts (and deleting spam, which takes up more time than writing blog posts) is a moment I could have been working on my book proposal or writing my novel. I really believe the book proposal could go somewhere, and the novel is just one of about 20 that I’m going to have to write before I die whether anyone pays me or not, so blogging is taking away from other, better, more fulfilling work I could be doing.
6. Perhaps not everyone thinks accidentally teaching the eighth grade about self-abuse and/or naming a dog Jesus are funny? Just in case, far be it from me to offend.
7. I have discovered dust in my house in places I didn’t think dust would ever think to go – in fact, as far as housekeeping goes, I’ve (probably) never been good enough. It might be a good idea for me to spend less time blathering online and more time A) teaching my children sight words, B) kissing my husband and C) dusting.
8. I’m very pleased with many (most?) of my blog posts, but I have to admit that some have been, well, maybe not my very best work. What if, by some accident of Stumble Upon or Facebook or Google, a proper publisher found himself or herself at my website only to read a post that left something to be desired? While my mom will still love me warts and all, publishers don’t usually like warts. Or so I’ve been given to understand.
9. Publishers also don’t like self-published books and those of you who have graciously paid attention to my website may have noticed I’ve devoted an entire page to my self-published book. If this book had seen a wild amount of success in terms of sales, I might be happy to flout it in the face of any unsuspecting publisher who happened to discover my site – as it is, despite the heroic efforts of my little sister (who has way better things to do than promote my book but does it anyway, bless her cotton socks) my self-published book has been shamefully, epically, horrifically unsuccessful in terms of sales. No flouting for me! Better to give it another close inspection and try to find a proper publisher for it.
10. In spite of all the spam, I’ve received a lot of really fantastic comments and feedback from friends and family. I’ve had e-mails from people who used to read my column in Abu Dhabi and have been reading my blog in the column’s absence. I’m so glad I’ve done something you have enjoyed, but for now, (probably) good enough, well, isn’t good enough. I think I can do better – I’ll let you know when I do.
To everyone who has read my column, my blog or my book – THANK YOU! It’s been fun and I hope I’ve made you smile. I can say without a doubt that you are not (probably) good enough – you are GREAT!!! Hopefully you can find my work in the bookstore someday. Until then, farewell friends!