My Sexy Panties

4150-9313.white.a.detail[1]You’ll never believe this, but I used to be a real panty snob. Seriously, there was a time when my fanny couldn’t stand to be clad in anything short of Victoria’s Secret’s finest.

(I know this news comes as a shock to all of you who remember me as The Girl with the Perpetual Pedicure and What Do You Mean ‘Wash My Own Toilet’???)

It wasn’t so much that I went out for the traditionally sexy frilly stuff of porn magazines – lace is itchy, after all, and when since the 1800s were garter belts really practical? No, I was more a fan of the hearty cotton bikini briefs and the sturdy yet unpinchy elastic. But the real reason I stocked up during those 5 for $20 twice-a-year sales was because the labels in my practical yet cute panties said Victoria’s Secret. Nobody knew except me but the secret was that I was wearing quality undies, and that just makes a girl feel pretty.

Sadly, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to afford my prize Vics. For one thing, there’s is no Victoria’s Secrets in Australia (not that I’ve found anyway). Also, with two (sometimes four) kids, a part time job and a house full of bills, who has the time or money to go shopping for expensive panties? Not, obviously, me.

It’s gotten so bad that my last batch of panties came in a six pack that was on sale at Target. They didn’t even have their own individual hangers. How has this happened? Oh how the mighty have fallen.

The good news, though, is that, after eight years of marriage and two (sometimes four) kids, a naughty puppy, a house, a bunch of bills and even more laundry, there’s only one thing that makes panties sexy at my house. It’s not lace or red spandex but rather my willingness to take them off.

Yep, at my house, it doesn’t matter how plain or sturdy or untrendy my undies are. As long as I’m happy to shuck them off, those babies are looking GOOD, even if they do say Target on the label. Which basically means ALL my panties are sexy.

See? Totally amazing.