I’m writing to you today because I am deeply offended by your attitude and I think you owe me an apology.
You probably didn’t think I noticed, but I saw you looking at me in our Body Balance class this morning. I saw the way you turned up your nose every time you looked at that little roll of fat on my stomach. I know, I know – it looks like I taped a bagel over my belly button. I’m working on it.
While we’ve never really spoken about it, I know you judge the rest of my flaws. How about you give me a break? Yes, I know I have cellulite on my thighs and a few wrinkles around my eyes. Yes, my hair isn’t as thick as it used to be. Yes, I’m sometimes a little slow in the morning. I’ve been around for 43 years, ok? What do you expect?
I’ll have you know, you critical twat, that in spite of my many imperfections, I’ve run three marathons – three! Ok, the second one was pretty slow and they were taking down the checkered line when I finished the third, but I still did it. And while I may not be running any marathons again any time soon, I was able to walk to that Body Balance class this morning and walk home – that’s about a 5K, WITH hills – without even breaking a sweat.
You know what else? You may look at me and think I’m old and slow and fat, but I’ve given birth to two perfect children, and I mean PERFECT! They’re both cute and sweet and smart and funny, and you couldn’t find a flaw between the two of them – seriously, no handicaps, no syndromes, no ADHD, not even an allergy.
How dare you look at me and think I’m not quite good enough? I’m strong and happy and more than capable of doing anything I want. I think you should spend a little more time considering your own flaws, Ms. I Eat Cake and Other Carbs, Ms. I Play Fast and Loose with the Sun Screen, Ms. Is It Time for Wine Yet.
Just for the record, I’ll have you know that I’m going to go on enjoying being alive, even if you DO think less of me. I just hope you realise that your hateful attitude towards me is only hurting yourself.
Dear My Body,
You’re absolutely right. I’m sorry. I love you and I deeply appreciate everything you do for me and my family. Let’s be friends again.